Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts

Friday, April 22, 2011

Convention for those wounded in love

I should be doing my assignment, but I thought I would take a moment to post this up. More than a few people have been having less than stellar personal relationships of late. Some of us are coming out the other side of our funks, and some of us are still wading through. I found this a while ago, and reading it helped. It seems appropriate to put it up now.


Convention for those wounded in love by Paulo Coelho

General provisions:

A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;

B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battle field, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:

Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage. Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.

Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”. Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage. In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while. The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.

Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden. In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honour. The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.

Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly. Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one’s decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.

Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time. It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things. One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints. Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination:
Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.

And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”. Because they haven’t.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

being the older brother

One of the responsibilities of being an older brother is trying to give useful advice to your younger siblings. Given how many siblings I have, and the varying gaps in our ages, this is something I've had to do a lot. Whether it's the best way to make french toast (1tsp of vanilla in the egg mix, soak the bread all the way through), or the correct way to shatter knee caps (a length of wood 2x4 between the knees, gaffa tape legs together above and below the knees, introduce sledgehammer to wood), I do my best to be as informative as possible. Something I'm sure would cause my parents and step-parents much consternation, if they actually had any idea exactly what the kids were asking.

Todays advice is about dating. I know, given what has been going on in my life of late, that this probably seems  ridiculous. However, if you can suspend your disbelief, at least for a little while, I think you may be surprised. My little sister, who will be 15 this July, is behind this post. For some reason she is under the impression that if you keep going back to a guy who treats you like shit, it only proves that you haven't given up hope that he will change. Apparently this exercise in futility doesn't make you stupid, just hopelessly romantic. It would appear that feminism, common sense, and self respect has missed this generation.

In order to be the best older brother I can I am posting my rules for dating below.

Hawm's Rules for Dating:
  1. It you hit me, you're gone.
  2. If you cheat on me, you're gone.
  3. If it's a good enough reason to break up, it is a good enough reason not to get back together.

These are the main three. There are of course others, such as:

  • Lie to me about big stuff,  you're gone. (I dated a compulsive liar. She put me through a rape/pregnancy/pregnancy with twins/miscarriage/cervical cancer. None of it was real).
  • Read my email/go through my stuff, and I will cease to trust you.
  • Steal from me, you're gone.
  • Dependency on drugs (other than diagnosed medical condition) and/or alcohol, you're gone. (I grew up with alcoholics, and have dated people with drug/alcohol issues. Being subjected to drug/alcohol induced rages, having junkies breaking into your house while you're sleeping, getting raided by the police ... It's not worth it).

I'm sure you can add others. I know I can think of several more. The point is that even if you are prepared to compromise on some things (and compromise is a healthy part of any relationship), there are limits to what anyone should have to put up with. 

No one has the right to treat you like shit, and tell you that it's love.

/big brother advice