Convention for those wounded in love

I should be doing my assignment, but I thought I would take a moment to post this up. More than a few people have been having less than stellar personal relationships of late. Some of us are coming out the other side of our funks, and some of us are still wading through. I found this a while ago, and reading it helped. It seems appropriate to put it up now.

Convention for those wounded in love by Paulo Coelho

General provisions:

A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;

B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battle field, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:

Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage. Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.

Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”. Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage. In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while. The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.

Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden. In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honour. The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.

Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly. Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one’s decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.

Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time. It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things. One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints. Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination:

Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.

And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”. Because they haven’t.

Head shrinkery

As you are all aware I have been talking to a shrink to manage some of the crap that has been going on in my head. The contents of my brain is dark and twisted at the best of times, but when it gets stuck in a loop there is no other option than to get that external assessment. Your friends can sympathise, but aren’t always qualified to help you plan your next move (though they may be more than willing to assist you in the disposal of a body).

In this respect having these appointments has been very helpful. Sometimes it’s not what's in front of you that is really the issue, or at least not completely. Sometimes it’s just the trigger. The trigger in this case was Ms L, and the implosion of our friendship. While the feelings of hurt (and my ongoing trust issues) are in no way insignificant, it is not the central issue. It boils down to two things: loss and grief. In part for Ms L, but mostly for my Pop.

My Pop died two years ago last January. He had been an alcoholic for much of his life, but had been sober for nearly 5 years. It was when he had stopped drinking that they found the cancer in his liver. I won’t go into his final stages in great detail, just the two important points: he died in my arms, and my family were at each other’s throats by the end of the funeral.

With everything going pear-shaped I didn’t really get an opportunity to grieve. It is one of my many (many) in-built flaws: when things go to shit I put my feelings aside and get on with what needs doing. Part of my problem is that I have been doing that for a very long time. As a short term solution it has its benefits. As a long term solution it’s about as helpful as serving bacon sandwiches at Middle East peace talks. Mmmmmmmmm bacon.

So while I was left feeling hurt and grieving the loss of my friendship with Ms L (who was the first person I really connected with since my Pop died), I was hit with the original grief that I hadn’t processed. The severity of my funk now makes a hell of a lot more sense.

Ms L is the only person who will ever know why she reacted the way she did (and as much as not knowing bugs me, it is something I will have to live with). I still miss my friend, but now I can at least understand my own reaction. Not bad for three sessions.

I may be sane by easter ;)

 

Shrink wrap part 3

Well, I survived. In fact I feel fairly good. Was a little touch and go for a moment, but mostly I’m good. My Doc’s do look after me, though I’m apparently getting a little too cuddly. Of course the first thing I did when I got home was to look up a recipe for rosewater ice cream. Not that we have an ice cream maker, but I’ll probably give it a go anyway.

Other than that I’m making sure I spend time on my uni stuff, and looking forward to next week. Play date with the library girls on Wednesday, and off to MQFF with Miss R on Sun/Mon/Sat/Sun. Busy busy busy. But still, lots of fun.

One more thing: http://smurfhappens.com/

shrink wrap part 2

Right, 11/3 is the day. Doc called with appointment time, and to organise for me to see my GP first. He wants to make sure I've got a mental health plan, so the government will pay for everything. So Tek first, then Ashley. Going to be rather busy next Friday.

Stupid brain, your days are numbered.

shrink wrap

Ok, so the last post was about not sharing. More specifically, about not discussing Ms L with Miss R. Of course, given how much Miss R and I do actually talk about stuff, I explained my reason behind this. Not a short discussion. Not as traumatic as it could have been, but still no walk in the park.

By the end Miss R was strongly advocating that I go and talk to someone about this stuff. Someone professional. Now as anyone who has had to prove their sanity (and I have the little pieces of paper that say so) will tell you, I’m not keen on this. But the truth is, this Ms L thing isn’t getting better.

It is better now than say December, when things first went to shit. And it is better than January, when I was angry. But it’s now the end of February, and it’s still eating at me. Now I know that you don’t have all the information, so this isn’t going to make a lot of sense. For the sake of clarity, without going into detail, it breaks down like this:

 

• I told Ms L something very sensitive about my past. (It’s not something I normally discuss, as I have huge trust issues on this topic, but I told her because I did trust her. My mistake, obviously).
• Hours after this sank in I got “the email” from her about liking me, and how what I told her was too much in a boyfriend, but that it was ok for a friend. (Apparently I was only attractive until I had baggage).
• I sent the email clarifying that I already have a girlfriend, and was as gentle as humanly possible. I was also more than forgiving about the rejection part, (though I’m certainly not in a hurry to trust anyone with that information again).
• Then came the complete cutting of ties, the unfriending, and the refusal to talk to me in any/every way, shape, or form. (Was like being in high school all over again).

The fact that this is still bothering me, nearly three months after the event, would suggest that it’s not going to go away on its own. I’m not going to get any closure from Ms L, so I haven’t really got much in the way of options. You guys are all great, and patient (with only the occasional slap), but I think Miss R is right. It’s time to call in the big guns. Not really something I wanted to be considering now that uni has gone back, with the study, the home work, and the stair-rage (walk to the fucking left people, it’s not hard).

So, tomorrow I’ll make the call. I figure it can’t make me feel any worse.

not sharing

Two posts in one day, scary stuffs. I hadn't planned on posting before bed, but Miss R said something that got me thinking.

I started playing with this as a way to get some of the crap circling in my head out. There was no real way of knowing that anyone would read it. I know some of us share the blog love, making sure that we comment on each other’s posts. We know each other, and are comfortable enough that we say what we like. Not all that different from how we are when we're actually together, but much easier than trying to find a time when all of us can be.

Still, there are things that I put on here that I don't share with Miss R. I don't blog or tweet specifically about her, but she does get referenced in quite a few. She is aware of this, and while not thrilled she understands the context. The other stuff we don’t discuss anymore because I know she’s reached her limit. There’s only so much you can take on before the presence of another woman in your partners head has you ready to kill. She has been exceptionally patient with my funk and hurt feelings, and equally forgiving towards Ms L (though I think given the chance she would smack Ms L down over hurting me and the way she has behaved towards me since the misunderstanding).

Since I can’t talk about this stuff with her anymore, the only way I can get it out (without driving anyone else insane) is here. So when Miss R asked if she could read my blog I said no. It got me thinking about some of the other blogs I read, and what other people think. Would you be in a hurry to let your partners read your blogs (assuming they had any interest, which isn’t always a given)?

For the record I am very comfortable with my decision. I don’t see any conflict in keeping this part of my life private. I am however curious about other peoples perspective.

For now I’m going to bed, otherwise I’ll be a complete zombie at work. 

Zombie Librarian wants “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOKS.”

holiday

Miss R and I are off on holiday. Red Hill market has been on my mind since last easter. That was the last time I went anywhere that wasn't family related. There will be food love. There will be a trip to the hot springs. There will be a beach (provided it doesn't rain on us) and lots of salt water. Mostly it will be a great deal of time for Miss R and myself, without much of the stuff that has been having a less than stellar impact on our everyday life. In short, it will be time without the cloud of Ms L hanging over us, and I for one am looking forward to that.

With just about everything off my old laptop, there will be nothing left to remind me of the brief friendship, or the resulting fallout. When it goes, so does all trace of Ms L. Hopefully my stupid brain will follow suit, and I can go back to the life I had before this cluster-fuck went down. But that will be a job for when we get back.

I have to pack in the morning, but that won't take long. Picking books to take with me is always the hardest part. One for each day is usually safe. For the next few days Ms S will hold down the fort, and feed the cats.

As for the library: if Wendy calls, I'm not here.

family trials

So, the universe has decided that my life has managed to get too simple over the last week or so.  When I got home tonight I got the "Call your brother," talk from Miss R.  It seems Miss R and Miss H have been talking. As most siblings will tell you, when your partners start talking to each other there is usually trouble to follow. In this case it relates to our youngest sibling, my little sister.

Now, as everyone is aware we went north for a few days over christmas. Given the duration of our visit we did not manage to see my little sister. They have christmas at my Dads place (where my brother and I aren't welcome), and then usually have boxing day with my step-mothers family. Since we flew home the day after boxing day we didn't get to see my sister. In fact, (and I'm the first to admit that I'm in the wrong), I didn't even call to let her know we'd be there. In my defence, I was about 14 days into my funk, and really in no state to be making any judgement calls.

So, justifiably, her feeling were hurt.  But, having said that, she did not make any effort to contact any of us either. I will call my brother tomorrow and find out what been going on. If my sister has been in contact with Miss H (apparently full of tears and recriminations), then we will need to figure out what we will need to do to fix this. Everything is such a drama when you're 14.

I've also got my new laptop out of the box. Haven't really had much time to play with it yet. Hopefully tomorrow. Maybe after I've finished my long list of chores. Plus I've got the two most recent Buffy comics to catch up on as well. And a trip to JB to pick up the new Adele cd.

Could also do without the random thoughts of Ms L ... Stupid brain.

twilight zone

 

Today was one of these weird days. You know, the one where you're cruising along, minding your own business, and the next thing you know you find you've entered the Twilight Zone. 

Shifts out at AM library have always been interesting. I do tend to throw a lot of kids out of that branch. To be fair I only throw out the feral children, and they do get two warnings first. Being school holidays, I was more than ready for that to be the case today. There was one small incident, but otherwise the shift was drama free. This was weird for AM, but not completely unheard of. No, the weird thing was that after spending a considerable amount of time helping a library patron (not unsusal), this person said thank you. Always a rare experience, but it didn't stop there. This person actually left the library and then came back with a token to express her gratitude. I was stunned. Even now, hours after the event I am still stunned. I've left them on the bench so that Miss R can also be stunned.

Tomorrow I am off into the city to see the Doc, and to also get my new laptop. I need to be back for the staff meeting, so I will have to make sure I don't get sidetracked by any comic book stores on the way. A big ask, I know, but I will do my best. 

I had a momentary funk relaspe today. Nothing major, just a twinge. It's hard when someone you find beautiful doesn't see it themselves. It also sucks when you can't tell them, or make them see it, because they don't want to hear it (or at least not hear it from you). But such is life.

Not everyone can have an ego as big as mine.