Friday, April 22, 2011

Convention for those wounded in love

I should be doing my assignment, but I thought I would take a moment to post this up. More than a few people have been having less than stellar personal relationships of late. Some of us are coming out the other side of our funks, and some of us are still wading through. I found this a while ago, and reading it helped. It seems appropriate to put it up now.


Convention for those wounded in love by Paulo Coelho

General provisions:

A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;

B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battle field, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:

Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage. Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.

Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”. Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage. In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while. The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.

Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden. In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honour. The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.

Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly. Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one’s decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.

Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time. It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things. One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints. Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination:
Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.

And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”. Because they haven’t.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

indoor picnic


I love my friends. No really, I have awesome friends. I could try and list all the ways that they are awesome, but that would just make everyone else sick with jealousy or depressed that my friends aren’t their friends. It’s all true.

This afternoon’s picnic is an example of what happens when you put us all together:

  • Miss A’s lentil and chickpea surprise (one of the few things I could eat, stupid body),
  • Mr T (no, not that mister T) dates, cheeses, olives, crackers, tasty looking cob loaf (stuffed with lots of things I could eat, and one that I couldn’t),
  • Miss J’s chicken pasta bake,
  • Miss K’s zucchini slice (definitely something I can’t eat),
  • Ms H’s fresh and hot non-denominational buns (with serious amounts of butter).
  • Mr N provided the chocolate and walnut cookies, and I made my spicy Cajun capsicum, cheese, and corn loaf.

Lots and lots of food. Of course it’s not the food that makes my friends awesome. It’s more the loyalty, understanding, and the fact that no level of geekiness is too great (though four of us singing the “popcorn song” and could name the two games it was the theme music for was a very geeky moment). It's nice knowing that your friends will back you. They don't need you to explain. They are just there, no matter what.

It is shame that we don’t manage to spend more time together, but we have a few things to look forward to:

  • Thor,
  • Captain America,
  • The Zoo (our gang of roving librarians [and a few non-librarians, we don't discriminate] will be enjoying ourselves, but are still prepared to leap in to action, correcting parents that are filling their children’s brains with rot),
  • And a final Harry Potter marathon before Deathly Hallows pt2 is released. (I particularly like the idea of hiring the whole cinema for a bunch of us, but don’t know that we’ll actually go that far).

But first we have to survive work/uni, which means more assignments/hours/PhD proposal. Wonder if I can get zombies into my disaster management plan ...