shrink wrap

Ok, so the last post was about not sharing. More specifically, about not discussing Ms L with Miss R. Of course, given how much Miss R and I do actually talk about stuff, I explained my reason behind this. Not a short discussion. Not as traumatic as it could have been, but still no walk in the park.

By the end Miss R was strongly advocating that I go and talk to someone about this stuff. Someone professional. Now as anyone who has had to prove their sanity (and I have the little pieces of paper that say so) will tell you, I’m not keen on this. But the truth is, this Ms L thing isn’t getting better.

It is better now than say December, when things first went to shit. And it is better than January, when I was angry. But it’s now the end of February, and it’s still eating at me. Now I know that you don’t have all the information, so this isn’t going to make a lot of sense. For the sake of clarity, without going into detail, it breaks down like this:

 

• I told Ms L something very sensitive about my past. (It’s not something I normally discuss, as I have huge trust issues on this topic, but I told her because I did trust her. My mistake, obviously).
• Hours after this sank in I got “the email” from her about liking me, and how what I told her was too much in a boyfriend, but that it was ok for a friend. (Apparently I was only attractive until I had baggage).
• I sent the email clarifying that I already have a girlfriend, and was as gentle as humanly possible. I was also more than forgiving about the rejection part, (though I’m certainly not in a hurry to trust anyone with that information again).
• Then came the complete cutting of ties, the unfriending, and the refusal to talk to me in any/every way, shape, or form. (Was like being in high school all over again).

The fact that this is still bothering me, nearly three months after the event, would suggest that it’s not going to go away on its own. I’m not going to get any closure from Ms L, so I haven’t really got much in the way of options. You guys are all great, and patient (with only the occasional slap), but I think Miss R is right. It’s time to call in the big guns. Not really something I wanted to be considering now that uni has gone back, with the study, the home work, and the stair-rage (walk to the fucking left people, it’s not hard).

So, tomorrow I’ll make the call. I figure it can’t make me feel any worse.

not sharing

Two posts in one day, scary stuffs. I hadn't planned on posting before bed, but Miss R said something that got me thinking.

I started playing with this as a way to get some of the crap circling in my head out. There was no real way of knowing that anyone would read it. I know some of us share the blog love, making sure that we comment on each other’s posts. We know each other, and are comfortable enough that we say what we like. Not all that different from how we are when we're actually together, but much easier than trying to find a time when all of us can be.

Still, there are things that I put on here that I don't share with Miss R. I don't blog or tweet specifically about her, but she does get referenced in quite a few. She is aware of this, and while not thrilled she understands the context. The other stuff we don’t discuss anymore because I know she’s reached her limit. There’s only so much you can take on before the presence of another woman in your partners head has you ready to kill. She has been exceptionally patient with my funk and hurt feelings, and equally forgiving towards Ms L (though I think given the chance she would smack Ms L down over hurting me and the way she has behaved towards me since the misunderstanding).

Since I can’t talk about this stuff with her anymore, the only way I can get it out (without driving anyone else insane) is here. So when Miss R asked if she could read my blog I said no. It got me thinking about some of the other blogs I read, and what other people think. Would you be in a hurry to let your partners read your blogs (assuming they had any interest, which isn’t always a given)?

For the record I am very comfortable with my decision. I don’t see any conflict in keeping this part of my life private. I am however curious about other peoples perspective.

For now I’m going to bed, otherwise I’ll be a complete zombie at work. 

Zombie Librarian wants “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOKS.”