A year to the day …

Given my busy schedule, with the baking/shopping/working, and of course Skyrim, it’s hard to believe that I actually had time to notice that a year has passed since that fateful afternoon I spent with Ms L. But I did. In truth it’s hard not remember, given that it coincided with my brother’s birthday. Well technically it was the day before. The fallout started on his birthday. 

So, a year on, where are we? Nowhere.

Whatever friendship there might have been is long since dead. Sad, but such is life. I’ll be honest, part of me is still disappointed at how things turned out. I extended the olive branch more than once, but got nothing back. Given that we are in the same profession, and in the same city, I had hoped we could at least have parted amicably. Nothing makes a conference or industry event more awkward than being introduced to someone who would quite happily scratch your eyes out (I know this from experience, but that’s a story for another time). While the situation hasn’t presented itself yet, I am aware of the possibility, and have prepared a response accordingly.

Long ago I mastered the ancient art of civility. I don’t often practice it outside of work, mostly because my friends accept me for the cranky bastard that I am, but it is a skill I possess. I harbour Ms L no ill will. So if our paths cross, I will smile and nod, engage in polite conversation (if the situation calls for it), and then be on my way.

But I won’t be offering gingerbread. That’s only for my peoples.

Getting sorted

I am amazed that I can even move after this last weekend. I have eaten a lot or food. Well, when I say food, I mean cake. There was certainly more than one point that my body was at least 50% sugar. Luckily I don’t tend to suffer from the usually inevitable sugar crash that claims so many others. I did however have great difficulty getting out of bed yesterday morning. But, as we all know, I’m not much of a morning person.

At this exact moment I am task avoiding. Miss R has left me a list of chores to get through this week. The biggest of these is to file all my uni stuff, and clean my desk. I’d like to state for the record that my desk is not that bad. It may look like chaos, but I know where everything is. Miss R remains unimpressed. So once I’m finished blogging I’m going to have to make a start on it. I should point out that I have no issue with putting everything away, I would just rather do it without the nagging.

Realistically, this burst of chores is my own fault. Miss R is not prepared to have people over unless the house is spotless. Hence the cleaning frenzy. The fact there are still 11 days before the birds is beside the point. I have done the most important stuff. I’ve ordered the bird, and told all the test subjects volunteers where and when. Really it’ll be fine.

With all the food I can’t imagine anyone will be looking at anything else.

Sitting quietly

I am not very popular with Miss R right now. What have I done? Nothing that I think justifies the wobbly Miss R had. Now it’s no secret that most of us shorten names. Anything two syllables (or longer) is fair game. Miss R does not share this view. In fact she sees my need to shorten names as pathological. She had never had anyone shorten her name before me, and while she is prepared to accept it as something that I do, she’s not happy for anyone else to do it. 

Here’s where it gets tricky. She won’t actually tell anyone that she doesn’t like it. She’s too nice for that sort of directness, (which is probably why she did so well with Japanese). So as the instigator, it’s all my fault, and I will be yelled at accordingly. 

I should point out that I find this all rather amusing. In the grand scheme of things I can’t see any of our friends having an issue with using her whole name, provided she ever works up the courage to tell them. I also know that most of the steam is a result of Miss R not getting enough sleep. However, while she is working on her garden (and has both a sledge hammer and a metal hoe within reach) I am going to stay out of her way. 

Safety first.

I’m free, I’m free

It’s official. Uni is over for the year. To celebrate I sat down and read a whole book in one day. How I have missed reading for pleasure. That is not to suggest that I haven’t enjoyed most of what I read for uni this semester, just that it is nice to read a book written for adults, not teenagers, and non-fiction.

I’m up to date with the new series of Dr Who. The new Elder Scrolls game ‘Skyrim' is released in just under 3 weeks, so I’m afraid I’ll be useless for about a week (must game). The last two books in my Robotech series finally arrived. I can now read all 21 in the order they were intended. I’m driving Ms P and friend to the airport on Thursday. Other than work, I won’t be doing anything for the rest of the week. Instead I will be using the time to prepare myself for the onslaught of November. Busy month ahead.

I’m looking forward to the gatherings, but there will be heaps to do. I’ve been asked to make my killer coconut ice for the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, in rainbow colours no less. I’m thinking of being ridiculously creative, but won’t mention it to anyone on the off chance I get too busy and don’t get time to follow through.

Miss R is making her eggplant dish for the BBQ, but I haven’t decided what I’m going to make yet. I have to work that morning, so I’m limited to making something that will be fine to eat the day after making. I’ll have to spend some time with my cookbooks. And of course there’s the Turducken.

I should make it very clear that I am baking because I want to, not because I have to. The Italian in me is all about expressing love through food. Miss R is the same, even if most of what I make is sugar related. 

We all know I’m not sweet enough on my own.

Burst of popularity

November is going to be a very busy month. It looks like I will be busy just about every weekend. This is what happens when uni finishes for the year. The fact that a few of us also have our birthdays this month isn’t helping. 

One of the most important events this November will be the Turducken & bake-off. I have spoken with the nice butcher man, and he will make this mythical beast for me (provided I give him a few days notice).

Now November is looking fairly full already. I've already got a bbq/engagement on the 5^th, a Mad Hatter’s tea party on the 6^th, and a birthday party on the 26^th. This leaves us with two options the 12^th or the 19^th. Personally, I always think Saturdays are a better option, because it leaves most of Sunday to recover. Given the amount of food this is likely to produce, we’ll all need that extra day (and possibly some baggy pants).

I’ve never made one of these before, so I have no idea what it will taste like, we may end up with pizza and cake. This is very much the test run. If it all goes well the Turducken will be centre table christmas day.

The girls from Uni have all volunteered to be my guinea pigs, so I’ve sent an email out. Depending on their availability I may end up cornering some of the girls from work too. Given how busy things are this time of year I won’t be offended if people can’t make it.

I’m sure I’ll be able to find any leftovers good homes.

Still living …

Yep, I’m still alive. I apologise for any worry or concern I’ve caused. I’m fine, really. Mostly. Just the physical giving me grief. I’ve spent the last six days not touching the laptop, or much of anything really. Apart from going to work I have only left the house to go to the blood bank, and a trip to the market for more sugar (the cupcake ladies took pity on me and gave me a free cupcake). The rest of the time I have been on the couch, cradling my defective arm, consuming large amounts of sugar and painkillers, watching lots and lots of Dr Who.

I know I was leaving my box set until after I had finished with uni, but when you can’t use your dominant hand without shooting pains (even with enough drugs in you to down an elephant) then there really isn’t much else you can do with your time. Miss R is completely over Dr Who. She was even happy to let me watch some of the rugby. You know I’m not myself when I am willingly watching sport.

I am feeling better today. Pain is at a manageable point, so I am trying to get as much done as I can before my arm/hand packs it in again. Frustrating, but such is life. The last assignment isn’t due until the 21^st, but I’m trying to get as much done as possible. Don’t want to end up in a position where it’s due and I can’t physically do anything. Which is why I spent the weekend doing nothing. Plus, cranky Hawm is nobody’s friend. So I channelled my inner couch gnome, and tried to relax.

While I’m not 100%, I managed to get through work and most of the day on minimal painkillers. I even managed to catch up on everything I’d left going on the laptop. Well, after I had to completely reboot it (twice), upgrade the anti-virus software (which had apparently disappeared after being corrupted), and ran a total system scan (which meant I couldn’t actually use it for two hours while it sorted its shit out).

I’ve got another appointment with the torture merchant on Wednesday. I always feel better (once the screaming stops). If I still feel like crap by Friday then I’ll go off and see the doc. Won’t be a great deal he can do, but I’ll go anyway. Ah, the joys of getting old.

Familiar pain

Miss R is very annoyed with her best friend. This friend is stuck in a loop of her own making. She wants a relationship, with a good man, but instead hooks up with losers (who do the “I just want to be friends” dance, usually just after she’s finished blowing them). Now I’m not making any judgments. What a person does with their body is their own business. And we’ve all put ourselves in dangerous situations at some point. However, most of us learn from our mistakes, rather than repeating the behaviour and crying “Why me?” when everything goes to shit. 

 

Miss R started out being very supportive, but she has reached her limit. Now she is channelling her inner Hawm. And it feels good. She is normally the nice one, as anyone who knows her will attest to, so this new attitude is a bit of a shock. But it gets the job done. It won’t last long, the guilt will eventually be too much. For the moment she’s getting on with things and taking no prisoners, so I’m enjoying the show.

What’s this got to do with pain? Good question. Part of her friends problem, and something many people also suffer from, is the inability to leave a wound alone. As human beings we take perverse pleasure in wallowing in our own pain and misery. Rather than let the scab heal we keep picking at it. We read text messages/emails/letters from people who’ve hurt us. We listen to music, watch movies/tv shows, read books they recommended when they were still part of our lives.

Why do we do these things to ourselves? Lots of different reasons. Mostly, I think, it’s because we don’t really want to let then go. Even though they treated us like shit, even though we are better off without them, even though we know it’s wrong. Computers and the internet have made this harder to avoid. Now you can check that persons facebook/twitter/myspace/blog/webpage etc. anytime, from anywhere. Every email/tweet/message you ever sent each other is there. Every click keeping the wound open.

How much simpler thing were, when you could just burn the letters and move away. That is always my policy: destroy everything and move on. But it doesn’t always work. Sometimes the pain still lingers, even months after the wound closes over. Every day, it’s still there. Granted it is not as sharp as it once was, and it no longer fills the entire space, but it is still there. Most of the time I can ignore it, but I’m not having a good few days. Unfortunately another familiar pain has come back to visit, which is making me more cranky than usual.

My body is on the warpath, which means my pain levels are up. I’m due at the blood bank, so I can’t take any painkillers, and I’m stuck doing everything with my left hand. I’ve got an appointment with the torture merchant tomorrow morning, so hopefully things will improve. If not it’ll have to cancel the blood, and hit the hard stuff.

Meeting up with my cousin and her mum in the city tomorrow. Should be interesting. Hopefully I’ll be able to move my arm by then.

Resigned

I rang the bookstore. They gave me a title and then hung up. It was not the correct book. Oh well. Looks like I'll have to find myself a bookstore to play in.

Annoyed

I should be in a better mood. Really, after four days down the great ocean road with Miss R I should be relaxed. And I was. Even thought she was smart and took today off, while I went to work. I managed to get trough my shift without raising my voice. I even managed not to bite the head of the teenagers that were accosting people for money as they used the atm. I did however tell them that I would be calling the police, which produced the same result. I have no issues with busking, provided you know a few songs and can actually play them. But begging just pisses me off. Ask me about my experiences in London sometime if you really want to get me going.

No, I'm annoyed for a very book geek reason: I can't remember the title of a book that I saw while I was away. I took photo's off all the one's that would be brilliant for work, but didn't take one of the book I actually wanted for myself. To be fair I had planned to go back for it, but I just didn't make it that far. Which has left me here for the last 2 hours trying to remember the damn title.

The most obvious option would be to take myself off to a bookstore and look around until I see it. I'm fairly good at recognising covers. It's a hangover from working in the book store. But there aren't any local bookstores anymore. Well, there is one, but I have my own reasons for not buying anything from there. I will have to make a trek into the city. Not really something I have time for at the moment.

The other option is to ring the bookstore and ask them to look on their shelves. This has it's own issues. The store had signs on most shelves saying "Please do not use out store to find books that you will then go and buy online." Something that I have absolutely no issue with. Everyone has to make a living. It does, however, leave me with the impression that they will not be happy to give me the title of the book I'm looking for. I'll ring anyway, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

So, that's why I am annoyed.

On the upside my Dr Who boxset arrived. Just need to get through the last few weeks of uni and I can have a marathon ... and find time for a bake-off ... and the TurDuckEn practice run. ... and the gingerbread house ... and it’s under 13 weeks to christmas … crap.