being the older brother

One of the responsibilities of being an older brother is trying to give useful advice to your younger siblings. Given how many siblings I have, and the varying gaps in our ages, this is something I've had to do a lot. Whether it's the best way to make french toast (1tsp of vanilla in the egg mix, soak the bread all the way through), or the correct way to shatter knee caps (a length of wood 2x4 between the knees, gaffa tape legs together above and below the knees, introduce sledgehammer to wood), I do my best to be as informative as possible. Something I'm sure would cause my parents and step-parents much consternation, if they actually had any idea exactly what the kids were asking.

Todays advice is about dating. I know, given what has been going on in my life of late, that this probably seems  ridiculous. However, if you can suspend your disbelief, at least for a little while, I think you may be surprised. My little sister, who will be 15 this July, is behind this post. For some reason she is under the impression that if you keep going back to a guy who treats you like shit, it only proves that you haven't given up hope that he will change. Apparently this exercise in futility doesn't make you stupid, just hopelessly romantic. It would appear that feminism, common sense, and self respect has missed this generation.

In order to be the best older brother I can I am posting my rules for dating below.

Hawm's Rules for Dating:

1. It you hit me, you're gone.
2. If you cheat on me, you're gone.
3. If it's a good enough reason to break up, it is a good enough reason not to get back together.

These are the main three. There are of course others, such as:

• Lie to me about big stuff,  you're gone. (I dated a compulsive liar. She put me through a rape/pregnancy/pregnancy with twins/miscarriage/cervical cancer. None of it was real).
• Read my email/go through my stuff, and I will cease to trust you.
• Steal from me, you're gone.
• Dependency on drugs (other than diagnosed medical condition) and/or alcohol, you're gone. (I grew up with alcoholics, and have dated people with drug/alcohol issues. Being subjected to drug/alcohol induced rages, having junkies breaking into your house while you're sleeping, getting raided by the police ... It's not worth it).

I'm sure you can add others. I know I can think of several more. The point is that even if you are prepared to compromise on some things (and compromise is a healthy part of any relationship), there are limits to what anyone should have to put up with. 

No one has the right to treat you like shit, and tell you that it's love.

/big brother advice